2016 was the year of patience.
This time last year I was on the rim of my husband leaving for a six month deployment. I knew life was going to be a big change and I didn’t know how I would adjust. How the kids would adjust. How my business would adjust. I knew it was going to take Patience in figuring it all out. Patience until July when he returned home. Patience with running the household and my children’s schedules. Patience with my business and not being able to take on everything that came my way. And Patience with myself.
Ive never been a patient person. In fact, it’s a terrible character trait but I am very impatient for the most part. When I want things, I want it now. When I want something done, I want it done now. Who has time to wait? I am a go-getter with the mentality that you really do work hard to play harder. I am the person who multitasks everything at once because I want everything done now. So most mornings you can find me packing school lunches, while replying to client emails because I don’t want them to wait, ordering the kids around on their next step of getting ready, tidying up the house…..all while eating breakfast at the same time, getting ready for the gym, taking the dog out, unloading the dishwasher, etc. I’m not kidding. I had my son say to me once last year when my husband was deployed “Mom, slow down! I don’t even know what you want me to do” He stopped me in my tracks. I can’t be patient. I want it all done now. But last year I learned Patience. I swear God put deployment on our plates for a reason. I believe embracing patience was one of them.
This year I am going into 2017 with this feeling I can’t shake. I love hard. I always have and always will. It’s a trait that is just a part of me. My family is everything to me. My friends are family. My husband and children are my everything. My business is my fueled passion. Exercise is my release and I love it so much. This is how I love. Hard. But sometimes loving too hard in return makes it hard on myself. I find myself disappointed more often lately than not. Do I expect too much from people? I read somewhere the other day “If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed”. But how can I not expect something in return when I feel I give my all? It’s a crappy feeling and one I am creating for myself.
I have to remember that we are all made different. My important, may not be YOUR important. And although I may not agree, it is ok. I need to give grace.
So my 2017 word is: Grace.
GRACE FOR MY CHILDREN.
Remember how tough it was being a kid? I’m not mocking that either. Their little hearts and feelings are so fragile. They have fears sometimes never discussed (I mean not in this house, my daughter really is petrified of the dark and we all know it at 3AM in the morning…), they take everything so literal and their innocence is just fragile. As much as I hug and kiss them, I raise my voice as well. I need to show them grace. I need to remember to laugh with them longer, forgive quicker and find gracious responses in discipline. Because lets be real, mommy yelling isn’t doing anything but giving us headaches and leaving everyone stressed out.
GRACE FOR MY HUSBAND.
Oh he who puts up with me. My crazy ideas. My crazy ideas of “no we are doing this NOW” (because remember I am kind of impatient …but working on it). I will stop expecting him to read my mind. I mean if I don’t tell him I don’t feel like cooking and want him to pick up dinner on the way home…how is he ever going to know? I mean he is amazing, but pretty sure he is not a mind reader. I need to remember that although I hate watching TV for the most part, its ok for him to enjoy it. It’s ok for him to be him. I’m happy he is him. I am blessed with a husband who chooses family over anything. Our weekends are always full of lots of family time, yearly vacations are important to us and we are totally those people who like staying home with the kids when needed. I am so grateful we have the same outlook on life that way.
By embracing grace, our disagreements can be debunked, my ridiculous expectations can be subsided and we can just be.
GRACE FOR MY BUSINESS
If I have never been more hard on myself in my life, it was when I decided to open my own business. I can’t even count on two hands how many times I almost gave up on Nicella Photography in the beginning and how I just didn’t think I was cut out for it. I need to give my business grace. Take a break from it when it gets overwhelming. Know it’s ok to say no when the job just isn’t for me. Remember that not everyone is MY client. And remember that this passion of mine is just that. Its work, but it’s MY passion. Last year I was blessed with 140 sessions. It was my biggest year yet. I am not quite sure how I managed it all when my husband was gone half the year, but somehow I did. With the help of an amazing nanny, a couple friends and easy going children, I rocked out 2016. But with it came a lot of stress, a lot of worrying and a lot of neglecting inner business stuff because I was so busy. I will show my business grace this year. I will be more organized. I will blog each session purposefully and showcase each amazing family as they deserve. I will work my butt off, but not get discouraged when I try to be published and rejected a 100 more times. I will put out there my dream of traveling more for my business, but all with grace.
GRACE FOR MYSELF
That inner voice in me is an annoying one. She doesn’t stop. She is so so hard on herself, y’all. She thinks she’s a crappy mother, a bad wife, a shitty friend and the most unorganized business owner ever. I need to stop listening to the negativity. I am not a crappy mom because I didn’t Pinterest Halloween treats for my kid’s classes. I am not a crappy wife because I only cooked dinner 6 nights out of the week instead of 7 and went to bed at 8:00 and barely saw my husband. I am not a shitty friend because my expectations are different. And I am not an unorganized business owner because I didn’t blog this week’s sessions or send out my monthly newsletter and it’s almost the end of the month. Ok, I mean not totally. I’m trying.
I will give myself grace. I will embrace small victories. Focus on all those little positive moments because they mean something so large. I will remember grace instead of being frustrated.
GRACE FOR EVERYONE ELSE
I just need to remember that not everyone is programmed like me. I love hard and I know that can be hurtful to myself when it’s not returned, but I need to remember grace even when it is not my first instinct.
GRACE. This is all a work in progress. Embracing grace this year will help me learn to trust myself, the universe and learn to accept what is. Because the universe always has other plans and it’s going to be quite a memorable year. <3
Photo Credit: Katie Myrick Photography
